you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize
