Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
