I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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