Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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