addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
