it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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