if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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