just tell him i said nine months
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
