she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
