my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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