hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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