why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
