I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
