She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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