Don't you send me to vm
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
