i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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