I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
