I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
