If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
