I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
