i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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