I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
