i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
