I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
