Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
