Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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