mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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