The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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