hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
