i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
