I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
