So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
