I haven't been this sober since birth.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
