There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
