sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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