I just found puke in my bra..
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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