you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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