When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
ttyl tear gas
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
