Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
