you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
