"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
