dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
