In the future we'll all be gay
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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