He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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