Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
