Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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