He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
