youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
