Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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