dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
