no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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