Me. At least after what I've been through.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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